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gen_storytellerTITLE: Spike in Wanderland - Book 2: by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
myfeetshowit
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Characters: Spike/Multiple Crossovers
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
This is my very first fanfic, and I hope I've improved considerably since this was first posted. I think it's still worth a read if you like silly stuff.
Disclaimer:Joss and other people own Spike and all these other characters. Only Deathbreath is truly mine.
We now continue the wild and wacky adventures of a very confused Spike and even more confused Wolfram & Hart. Those of you having read Book 1 know what to expect. Everyone should start with Book 1, even though this story deals extensively with time travel.
Book 1.
SPIKE...ON THE RUN Part 1
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs:
We have kept track of the subject William T Bloody, despite several temporal leaps and continental displacements. He has been in contact with several individuals well-known to this agency. We believe he has been seeking help, and any one of these individuals could pose a serious threat to Wolfram & Hart if they should agree to come to his aid.
The subject has been using various magics in an attempt to hide his trail. He has not been able to evade our detection but he has been able to block any attempt to photograph him or his contacts. We have been able to produce magically created images of varying quality. These images have been stored for your viewing at the earliest opportunity.
The individuals we have identified and imaged with the subject:
Jack Sparrow-Pirates of the Caribbean
Riddick-Pitch Black
Sydney-Alias
Amanda-Highlander Raven
Duncan Macleod-Highlander
Joe Dawson-Highlander
Methos-Highlander
Sam Becket-Quantum Leap
Lara Croft-Tomb Raider
Dr Who-Tom Bakerincarnation
Lionel Luthor-Smallville
Lex Luthor-Smallville
We will continue to track the subject. We suggest that surveillance be started on his contacts as well in order to identify any possibility that Mr. Bloody has succeeded in his attempts to gain support. It would be necessary to increase the cost of hazard pay should you wish to hire us for this job but we would be happy to give volume discounts, which should help offset this increase. Please advise us of your wishes in this manner. We will post further images as they become available.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-THE Senior Partner, Julius Sr., House of Julii
Subject: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as INDIVIDUAL(S)), in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
Gentlebeings,
Have you seen INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 in the Maj-X-PIX that Cheep Investigations is creating for us? I am worried, Good Sirs, I am worried. Your thoughts?
THE SENIOR PARTNER
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Normally, this would come under my aegis but you are going to have to get someone else to handle it. Wolfram and Hart has had interaction with INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 in the past and it has always ended in disaster for us. I have had an up close and personal run-in with INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 and I will not repeat the experience. I still have nightmares completely in the color PINK due to the regrettable `umbrella' incident. I don't care if I have to resign my position as senior partner - I will not deal with this!
INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 is known for weakness towards a handsome face.
Personally, I believe if the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody is able to gain the support of INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 we are doomed! My suggestion is to offer a ceasefire. Stop all attempts to gain retribution for the events of May 2004 if Mr. Bloody will agree to cease hostilities. If that isn't enough offer a substantial payoff to
him if he will just leave us alone!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/Individual19Spike.jpg
Senior Partner-Julius Jr
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-4th Level, Cornelius IX., House of Cornelii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Please, let us not panic unduly. I know of the `exaggerated' fear INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 engenders among some of the management in this company but I can't help but feel that reputation has exceeded reality. I find many of the other INDIVIDUAL(S) that Mr. Bloody has been consulting with far more threatening but I still see little reason for worry.
At least half of the INDIVIDUALS in question are already part of the Wolfram and Hart family (whether they know it or not) and nearly all the others have been watched and manipulated for years.
We need to scrutinize the plans already in place for these INDIVIDUAL(S) and decide what changes will need to be made in order to minimize the possibility that Mr. Bloody will 1) move any of these INDIVIDUAL(S) from the path that Wolfram and Hart has intended for them, and 2) gain the help of any of these INDIVIDUAL(S) in his flight from our retribution and/or in further aggression against Wolfram and Hart.
We can hire Cheep Investigations to begin surveillance of any of the INDIVIDUAL(S) that we do not already have under our control.
Senior Partner - Cornelius IX
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Treasury Department, Aemilius V., House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Good Sirs,
Need I remind you of the downturn in revenue following the events of May 2004? These days the vaults are lined with mold. The plans that esteemed Senior Partner Cornelius IX refers to are no longer being funded. None of the INDIVIDUAL(S) are currently under surveillance, the pay-off fund has been paid out and we are using the Cheep Investigations Company because their name is apt.
It was decided just this month that the INDIVIDUAL(S), Angelus was to be our primary concern and all monies are being devoted to finding and detaining him. Only enough funds were apportioned to pay for surveillance of the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody. Actually communicating, fighting or capturing this or any of the other INDIVIDUAL(S)is outside the scope of our current corporate direction.
Senior Partner - Aemilius V
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Legal & Trust, Aemilius VI., House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Everyone,
We must not lose sight of what is truly important! Cheep Investigations MUST be told to use THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004 in all their communications with Wolfram & Hart!
Senior Partner-Aemilius VI
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: Goodbye Miss Piggy!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Whew, I don't mind telling you that I am relieved that the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody has moved on leaving you-know-who behind. At first it looked like they were going to be an item but it seems she couldn't accept the fact that 'B-u-f-f-y' was first in his heart! I thank the seven gods of the seven levels of hell every, single day that I had my heart removed when I became a junior partner! Anyway, Miss Piggy - I spit - we will talk of her no more!
This latest INDIVIDUAL(S), Iowa Jones, I believe - who has the scoop? He looks pretty scruffy. Shouldn't be much of a problem.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/IndianaSpike1.jpg
Senior Partner-Julius Jr
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: In Search of...
Dear Sirs:
Indiana Jones, one of the foremost archeological, treasure hunter and tomb raiders has joined forces with Mr. Bloody. We believe they are attempting to find 'The Bane' talisman, a Kali Yantra of copper & gold that has the power to overcome one's enemies. Mr. Bloody has some past experience with treasure hunting and he also spent a good deal of time in the company of Ms. Lara Croft, a renowned tomb raider, earlier this year, and evidently garnered information that may lead this duo to the device.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LaraSpike_1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LaraSpike_2.jpg
I am certain that you at Wolfram & Hart know far more about Yantras than anyone here at Cheep Investigations but our understanding is that usually a Yantra is a geometrical figure used to bring awareness and to focus energies toward a particular goal. The Yantra in question however is an ancient artifact rumored to be of exceptional power and is probably not a true Yantra at all.
Please let us know what action you would like us to take at this juncture.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
PS: In accordance with your express wishes here is the required disclaimer:
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as INDIVIDUAL(S)), in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-THE Senior Partner, Julius Sr., House of Julii
Subject: URGENT! William The Bloody/Indiana Jones to supercede all other business.
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
'The Bane' is extremely dangerous. This talisman is in fact the trigger to a level 2 phase transporter in the Yawn-Trah dimension. It allows the Hellgod Ka-Lee (hence the confusion with the 'Kali Yantra' ) to take possession of the petitioner using the talisman. In return Ka-Lee will wreak havoc on his or her enemies. The petitioner doesn't usually care anymore, what with being possessed and all...so many of these backyard conjurers fail to read the small print...
We need to pull all the contracts we hold with Ka-Lee. If the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody and Indiana Jones find and use the talisman, Ka-Lee must seek our destruction, even though he has been our ally in the past. We need some fancy legal footwork that will prevent Ka-Lee from following his primal scream - even better, find something that will send him back where he came from.
I expect results! Now!
THE SENIOR PARTNER
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: The Bane has been found
Dear Sirs:
Given the information you sent about 'The Bane' and the subsequent actions of Mr. Bloody and Mr. Jones, we feel the artifact has been found.
Earlier this morning there was a falling out between the two subjects and Mr. Bloody has disappeared from our radar. We believe he has the talisman.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/IndianaSpike2.jpg
On another subject and with all due respect, Good Sirs, I must point out that beyond our initial payment we have received no monies from Wolfram & Hart. In good faith, we will attempt to re-establish our surveillance of William the Bloody, but we can do no more until our account is brought up to date.
Yours with all due fear and trembling, and respect,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-4th Level, Cornelius IX, House of Cornelii
Subject: This latest just in!!!!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
NOW may be the time to panic. The INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody has been located and is most definitely under the possession of Ka-Lee! We have been unable to discern a pattern to his movements and are uncertain of the means by which the first attack will be launched.
His latest associate is well known to us and has been extremely useful to us in the past, but is not aware of us. We believe he is only helping the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody under duress and this gives us hope that he will work with us once we are able to contact him.
Julius, Jr. - Praetor Division has already been dispatched to the site and will await further orders once he arrives.
Gentlebeings, please scrutinize the latest Maj-X-PIX
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/BarnabasSpike.jpg
- in fact, please review the entire gallery.
Ka-Lee may attempt to utilize some of the other INDIVIDUAL(S) with whom Mr. Bloody has been consulting and it would be best to be armed with knowledge concerning their weaknesses.
I will be sending frequent updates as more information is available.
Senior Partner-4th Level, Cornelius IX
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart - Treasury Dept.
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Payment for Services Due
Dear Sirs:
The association between Mr. Bloody and Mr. Collins seems to have ended. Scraps of conversation overheard by our operatives point to the possibility that Mr. Bloody was holding Mr. Collins hostage in order to gain something from the witch Angelique. We were unable to ascertain whether he got whatever or not.
We are sorry that we were unable to get this information to you in time to stop Senior Partner Julius Jr. from making an unnecessary flight. He made sure of that.
Reluctantly, I must again bring up the matter of payment. We run a tight operation and eke the most out of our funds. Late payments make it very difficult for us to ensure optimum service for our customers.
Yours with all due fear,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: Cheep Investigations
From: Senior Partner-Treasury Department, Aemilius V, House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: Payment for Services Due
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Dear Sirs:
We at Wolfram and Hart consider the personnel at Cheep Investigations to be an integral part of our corporate family. We understand your need for efficient accounting and prompt payment. After all, we keep close tabs on all of our family. We know all your employee histories and know what you have done to get where you are today. We know exactly what you are worth and the payment you deserve and we will see that you get it.
I'm sure that you are aware of the degradation of the Postal Services in this modern day and age, especially when inter-dimensional delivery is involved. The check is in the mail. If you will just be patient your payment will arrive - sooner or later.
Senior Partner - Aemilius V
PS: By the way, Deathbreath the Grimclaw, down in the Legal Enforcement Office is wondering if you are the Riley Cheep that dated his sister back in the old College days. What should I tell him?
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart - Treasury Dept.
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Re: Payment for Services Due
Hey, the check is in the mail, GREAT! no problem! I trust Wolfram and Hart, absolutely. I really respect you guys. I'm proud to be part of the Wolfram and Hart family. Really!
And hey, the extra hazard pay thing - forget it! Family right? You don't charge family even though the danger - I mean have you seen whom William is pal-ing around with these days?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/Guy23.jpg
But like I say, no problemo.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
PS: Yeah, I remember ol' Deathbreath, but nope, never dated his sister. In fact, I was totally celibate during my college days, totally. Never looked at the girls, at all. The boys neither!
PPS: THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
To be continued...
myfeetshowitCharacters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Characters: Spike/Multiple Crossovers
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
This is my very first fanfic, and I hope I've improved considerably since this was first posted. I think it's still worth a read if you like silly stuff.
Disclaimer:Joss and other people own Spike and all these other characters. Only Deathbreath is truly mine.
We now continue the wild and wacky adventures of a very confused Spike and even more confused Wolfram & Hart. Those of you having read Book 1 know what to expect. Everyone should start with Book 1, even though this story deals extensively with time travel.
Book 1.
SPIKE...ON THE RUN Part 1
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Surveillance on subject, William T Bloody
Dear Sirs:
We have kept track of the subject William T Bloody, despite several temporal leaps and continental displacements. He has been in contact with several individuals well-known to this agency. We believe he has been seeking help, and any one of these individuals could pose a serious threat to Wolfram & Hart if they should agree to come to his aid.
The subject has been using various magics in an attempt to hide his trail. He has not been able to evade our detection but he has been able to block any attempt to photograph him or his contacts. We have been able to produce magically created images of varying quality. These images have been stored for your viewing at the earliest opportunity.
The individuals we have identified and imaged with the subject:
Jack Sparrow-Pirates of the Caribbean
Riddick-Pitch Black
Sydney-Alias
Amanda-Highlander Raven
Duncan Macleod-Highlander
Joe Dawson-Highlander
Methos-Highlander
Sam Becket-Quantum Leap
Lara Croft-Tomb Raider
Dr Who-Tom Bakerincarnation
Lionel Luthor-Smallville
Lex Luthor-Smallville
We will continue to track the subject. We suggest that surveillance be started on his contacts as well in order to identify any possibility that Mr. Bloody has succeeded in his attempts to gain support. It would be necessary to increase the cost of hazard pay should you wish to hire us for this job but we would be happy to give volume discounts, which should help offset this increase. Please advise us of your wishes in this manner. We will post further images as they become available.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-THE Senior Partner, Julius Sr., House of Julii
Subject: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as INDIVIDUAL(S)), in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
Gentlebeings,
Have you seen INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 in the Maj-X-PIX that Cheep Investigations is creating for us? I am worried, Good Sirs, I am worried. Your thoughts?
THE SENIOR PARTNER
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Normally, this would come under my aegis but you are going to have to get someone else to handle it. Wolfram and Hart has had interaction with INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 in the past and it has always ended in disaster for us. I have had an up close and personal run-in with INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 and I will not repeat the experience. I still have nightmares completely in the color PINK due to the regrettable `umbrella' incident. I don't care if I have to resign my position as senior partner - I will not deal with this!
INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 is known for weakness towards a handsome face.
Personally, I believe if the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody is able to gain the support of INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 we are doomed! My suggestion is to offer a ceasefire. Stop all attempts to gain retribution for the events of May 2004 if Mr. Bloody will agree to cease hostilities. If that isn't enough offer a substantial payoff to
him if he will just leave us alone!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/Individual19Spike.jpg
Senior Partner-Julius Jr
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-4th Level, Cornelius IX., House of Cornelii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Please, let us not panic unduly. I know of the `exaggerated' fear INDIVIDUAL(S) 19 engenders among some of the management in this company but I can't help but feel that reputation has exceeded reality. I find many of the other INDIVIDUAL(S) that Mr. Bloody has been consulting with far more threatening but I still see little reason for worry.
At least half of the INDIVIDUALS in question are already part of the Wolfram and Hart family (whether they know it or not) and nearly all the others have been watched and manipulated for years.
We need to scrutinize the plans already in place for these INDIVIDUAL(S) and decide what changes will need to be made in order to minimize the possibility that Mr. Bloody will 1) move any of these INDIVIDUAL(S) from the path that Wolfram and Hart has intended for them, and 2) gain the help of any of these INDIVIDUAL(S) in his flight from our retribution and/or in further aggression against Wolfram and Hart.
We can hire Cheep Investigations to begin surveillance of any of the INDIVIDUAL(S) that we do not already have under our control.
Senior Partner - Cornelius IX
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Treasury Department, Aemilius V., House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Good Sirs,
Need I remind you of the downturn in revenue following the events of May 2004? These days the vaults are lined with mold. The plans that esteemed Senior Partner Cornelius IX refers to are no longer being funded. None of the INDIVIDUAL(S) are currently under surveillance, the pay-off fund has been paid out and we are using the Cheep Investigations Company because their name is apt.
It was decided just this month that the INDIVIDUAL(S), Angelus was to be our primary concern and all monies are being devoted to finding and detaining him. Only enough funds were apportioned to pay for surveillance of the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody. Actually communicating, fighting or capturing this or any of the other INDIVIDUAL(S)is outside the scope of our current corporate direction.
Senior Partner - Aemilius V
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Legal & Trust, Aemilius VI., House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: William the Bloody - latest Maj-X-PIX
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Everyone,
We must not lose sight of what is truly important! Cheep Investigations MUST be told to use THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004 in all their communications with Wolfram & Hart!
Senior Partner-Aemilius VI
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: Goodbye Miss Piggy!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Whew, I don't mind telling you that I am relieved that the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody has moved on leaving you-know-who behind. At first it looked like they were going to be an item but it seems she couldn't accept the fact that 'B-u-f-f-y' was first in his heart! I thank the seven gods of the seven levels of hell every, single day that I had my heart removed when I became a junior partner! Anyway, Miss Piggy - I spit - we will talk of her no more!
This latest INDIVIDUAL(S), Iowa Jones, I believe - who has the scoop? He looks pretty scruffy. Shouldn't be much of a problem.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/IndianaSpike1.jpg
Senior Partner-Julius Jr
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: In Search of...
Dear Sirs:
Indiana Jones, one of the foremost archeological, treasure hunter and tomb raiders has joined forces with Mr. Bloody. We believe they are attempting to find 'The Bane' talisman, a Kali Yantra of copper & gold that has the power to overcome one's enemies. Mr. Bloody has some past experience with treasure hunting and he also spent a good deal of time in the company of Ms. Lara Croft, a renowned tomb raider, earlier this year, and evidently garnered information that may lead this duo to the device.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LaraSpike_1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/LaraSpike_2.jpg
I am certain that you at Wolfram & Hart know far more about Yantras than anyone here at Cheep Investigations but our understanding is that usually a Yantra is a geometrical figure used to bring awareness and to focus energies toward a particular goal. The Yantra in question however is an ancient artifact rumored to be of exceptional power and is probably not a true Yantra at all.
Please let us know what action you would like us to take at this juncture.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
PS: In accordance with your express wishes here is the required disclaimer:
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as INDIVIDUAL(S)), in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-THE Senior Partner, Julius Sr., House of Julii
Subject: URGENT! William The Bloody/Indiana Jones to supercede all other business.
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
'The Bane' is extremely dangerous. This talisman is in fact the trigger to a level 2 phase transporter in the Yawn-Trah dimension. It allows the Hellgod Ka-Lee (hence the confusion with the 'Kali Yantra' ) to take possession of the petitioner using the talisman. In return Ka-Lee will wreak havoc on his or her enemies. The petitioner doesn't usually care anymore, what with being possessed and all...so many of these backyard conjurers fail to read the small print...
We need to pull all the contracts we hold with Ka-Lee. If the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody and Indiana Jones find and use the talisman, Ka-Lee must seek our destruction, even though he has been our ally in the past. We need some fancy legal footwork that will prevent Ka-Lee from following his primal scream - even better, find something that will send him back where he came from.
I expect results! Now!
THE SENIOR PARTNER
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: The Bane has been found
Dear Sirs:
Given the information you sent about 'The Bane' and the subsequent actions of Mr. Bloody and Mr. Jones, we feel the artifact has been found.
Earlier this morning there was a falling out between the two subjects and Mr. Bloody has disappeared from our radar. We believe he has the talisman.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/IndianaSpike2.jpg
On another subject and with all due respect, Good Sirs, I must point out that beyond our initial payment we have received no monies from Wolfram & Hart. In good faith, we will attempt to re-establish our surveillance of William the Bloody, but we can do no more until our account is brought up to date.
Yours with all due fear and trembling, and respect,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-4th Level, Cornelius IX, House of Cornelii
Subject: This latest just in!!!!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
NOW may be the time to panic. The INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody has been located and is most definitely under the possession of Ka-Lee! We have been unable to discern a pattern to his movements and are uncertain of the means by which the first attack will be launched.
His latest associate is well known to us and has been extremely useful to us in the past, but is not aware of us. We believe he is only helping the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody under duress and this gives us hope that he will work with us once we are able to contact him.
Julius, Jr. - Praetor Division has already been dispatched to the site and will await further orders once he arrives.
Gentlebeings, please scrutinize the latest Maj-X-PIX
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/BarnabasSpike.jpg
- in fact, please review the entire gallery.
Ka-Lee may attempt to utilize some of the other INDIVIDUAL(S) with whom Mr. Bloody has been consulting and it would be best to be armed with knowledge concerning their weaknesses.
I will be sending frequent updates as more information is available.
Senior Partner-4th Level, Cornelius IX
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart - Treasury Dept.
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Payment for Services Due
Dear Sirs:
The association between Mr. Bloody and Mr. Collins seems to have ended. Scraps of conversation overheard by our operatives point to the possibility that Mr. Bloody was holding Mr. Collins hostage in order to gain something from the witch Angelique. We were unable to ascertain whether he got whatever or not.
We are sorry that we were unable to get this information to you in time to stop Senior Partner Julius Jr. from making an unnecessary flight. He made sure of that.
Reluctantly, I must again bring up the matter of payment. We run a tight operation and eke the most out of our funds. Late payments make it very difficult for us to ensure optimum service for our customers.
Yours with all due fear,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
**********
To: Cheep Investigations
From: Senior Partner-Treasury Department, Aemilius V, House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: Payment for Services Due
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
Dear Sirs:
We at Wolfram and Hart consider the personnel at Cheep Investigations to be an integral part of our corporate family. We understand your need for efficient accounting and prompt payment. After all, we keep close tabs on all of our family. We know all your employee histories and know what you have done to get where you are today. We know exactly what you are worth and the payment you deserve and we will see that you get it.
I'm sure that you are aware of the degradation of the Postal Services in this modern day and age, especially when inter-dimensional delivery is involved. The check is in the mail. If you will just be patient your payment will arrive - sooner or later.
Senior Partner - Aemilius V
PS: By the way, Deathbreath the Grimclaw, down in the Legal Enforcement Office is wondering if you are the Riley Cheep that dated his sister back in the old College days. What should I tell him?
**********
To: Senior Partners, Wolfram & Hart - Treasury Dept.
From: Cheep Investigations
Subject: Re: Payment for Services Due
Hey, the check is in the mail, GREAT! no problem! I trust Wolfram and Hart, absolutely. I really respect you guys. I'm proud to be part of the Wolfram and Hart family. Really!
And hey, the extra hazard pay thing - forget it! Family right? You don't charge family even though the danger - I mean have you seen whom William is pal-ing around with these days?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/Guy23.jpg
But like I say, no problemo.
Yours with all due fear and trembling,
Riley Cheep
Cheep Investigations
PS: Yeah, I remember ol' Deathbreath, but nope, never dated his sister. In fact, I was totally celibate during my college days, totally. Never looked at the girls, at all. The boys neither!
PPS: THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
To be continued...
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