gen_storyteller

Few things bring me as much joy in ficdom as when I get to write something where the champion of mankind, the dark avenger, Broody McForehead himself comes across as a complete, utterly helpless, insecure and pitiful dork. Hey, call it a testament to the understated comedy style of Mr Boreanaz in scenes such as this one:

CORDELIA: Pfft! Sneaking off, right. Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. 'oh, you're my big, fat hero!' around.
ANGEL: ...You think I'm fat?

So, here are a bunch of 100-word drabbles I've written on the subject. Some of you have probably read most of them before, but just for completeness' sake.

Title: Special Delivery
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13
Timeline: "Passion"

Damnit. Slimy little...

Psychological warfare used to be so easy. Leave enemies hints that you can kill them anytime you want, watch enemies stampede like cattle, laugh evilly.

But this was just... undignified.

Angelus was soaked to the shoulder when he finally managed to catch the last of Willow's goldfish. Little bastard had eluded him for 20 minutes, it deserved a thread through its... goddamn... slippery... oops. Where'd it go?

He slipped on the fish and fell on his ass with a loud - and painful - crash.

"Willow? Is everything alright?"

"Uh... yeah." Falsetto voice. "Just fine... Mom."

Someone would pay.

Title: Brogue Demon Hunters
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13
Timeline: "City of..."-ish

"So... Doyle, where are you from then?"

"Tought it was obvious? Ireland."

"Yeah, but where exactly? I've been trying to place your accent..."

"Fancy ya know Irish accents, do ya? Ever been dere?"

"Why, aye. Born an' raa...eee...iized." And Angel set about to prove his birthplace by, for the next ten minutes, speaking in a long-neglected dialect that might - might - have passed for Irish on... oh, say, American TV.

All his tortured vowels earned him, though, was a healthy gutlaugh and a slap on the shoulder. "Nice try, pal. Tell ya what, rent De Commitments again and practice some more."

Title: 18th Century Digital Boy
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13

"Cordelia!"

Angel's panicking again. She lets him stew in his own juices for a few minutes – for his own good, he has to learn - before going into his office.

"It just beeps at me. If I wanted something that beeped at me, I'd get a canary. What was wrong with handwritten letters and telegrams anyway?"

She rolls her eyes, takes the offending object, enters the PIN code and hands it back to him with a withering look.

"Oh. Nevermind, it's working again."

She swears that one day she'll just ignore him until he breaks down crying over his cell phone.

Title: Killing Angel By Degrees (100 Fahrenheit)
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13

Slowly, the world stopped spinning. He was soaked through and through, and his limbs felt heavier than ever before. He could hear the last of the blood-tainted water run out through the drain below him and tried in vain to move.

Then the hatch opened and Fred hauled him out, holding him up triumphantly. "See? Told ya Tide gets demon blood out."

Gunn shrugged. "Fine. I still say we shouldn't have let him fight like that..."

"Oh, don't worry, Angel's tough. Ain'tcha, big guy?" Fred cuddled him before opening the next hatch.

PuppetAngel protested weakly. "No... not the dryer... please..."

Title: Time For A Change
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13

"No. I can't do this. What if I..."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Oh brother. You've saved the world how many times is it now? And I've seen you covered in slime more than once, so don't pretend it's the ewww factor that's putting you off. Just stop being such a baby and DO it."

With trembling hands, Angel tried to ease the stinky diaper off his newborn son. Connor immediately started wailing, causing his father to panic.

"What did I do? Is he sick? Should we call the doctor? I think we should call the doctor."

Cordelia rolled her eyes.

Title: Chopper
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13
Timeline:: "Conviction"

The helicopter took off from the roof with a roar, leaving Angel's stomach behind.

"Don't worry, Mr Angel." The pilot was chewing gum, like it was perfectly normal to travel this fast without touching ground. "I'll get you to that school on time, no problem."

"Good. That's... good." He looked out, shifting in his seat. "How... uh, how high are we flying?"

"600 feet."

"Six..." Angel swallowed. "That's a lot of feet."

"This your first time in a helicopter, Mr Angel?"

"Just let me know when we're there." He closed his eyes and wished he was back on the submarine.

And finally, two very different endings:

Title: Ironic Punishments Division
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13

When Angel's heart starts beating, he supposes he deserved this.

He's done a lot of good in the years since he became a champion of mankind.

Saved souls. Vanquished monsters. Stopped an apocalypse or twelve.

So what if it took 300 years.

So what if he had to watch everyone he loved die.

So what if he failed in the end.

So what if he's the only one left.

Everyone Angelus killed is still dead. He deserved this.

Angel sits alone on the rubble that was LA, breathing deep, watching the sunset, trying to appreciate the PTB's sense of humor.

Title: Not Not Fade Away
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Rating: PG13
Timeline: "Not Fade Away"
Word count: 100

Angel frowned as the words Executive Producer: Joss Whedon appeared before him, and a red-haired man came up to shake his hand. "Great job, David."

"Who's David?"

"Oi, check out the demons!" Spike pointed at the until recently approaching demon army, who stopped and started removing their costumes, revealing themselves as aspiring actors and stuntmen.

Illyria punched out a Fox exec.

In another LA...

...David, James, J and Amy looked up at the dragon swooping down on them. "Uh... I thought they were gonna do that with CGI?"

"Yeah... and what happened to the cameramen?"

"I think we're in trouble."