Fic: La Femme Spander (Completely Gen) Part 1 -> 6

[lusciousxander.livejournal.com]

Title: La Femme Spander
Authors: lusciousspike and lusciousxander
Characters: Spike, Xander, Buffy, Willow, Dawn. A little of Anya and Giles.
Note: Despite the title, this is totally not a ship fic.
Spoilers: BtVS S6, Entropy
Feedback: Yes please, please! You so don't wanna see us beg… so review and Feed the striving Authors… please?
Summery: Anya wants revenge and she'll be getting it by cursing Spike.
Disclaimer: they belong to Joss and Co.
Thanks goes out to Ebony for the quick beta!




La Femme Spander



Part One



The Magic Box


"They're all, 'oh, poor Xander! It took so much out of him, all that running away he did.' I just don't understand what's wrong with these people."

"Did you really think they were the ones who would help you?" Halfrek asked her distressed friend.

"Well, but…" Anya started.

"Do you want retribution, Anyanka?"

"I want Xander good and cursed," Anya said firmly in anger.

"Then you know what you have to do."

"Get a wish from someone who doesn't freaking love him," she spat.

"Exactly." The justice demon nodded.

"Yeah, but my social circle is a little limited here. What am I supposed to do, just stumble upon someone who doesn't give a fig's ass if Xander gets hurt?"

Halfrek blinked, looking at her. Anya placed her hand on her cheek in thought. Several seconds later, she gasped, jerking up.

"Oh my God. Spike hates Xander. Maybe I could get him to wish ... dammit, if only he were a woman." She resumed her thinking pose then jumped up, again, excited. "Got it! If I can somehow get someone to wish that Spike were a woman, then I could go to him… well, he'd be a her then… then I could go to her…" She sat back down.

Halfrek shook her head at her demented friend. Anyanka has this whole female-power, Take Back the Night thing, that's cute. But she always forgets what I've been telling her decades … men need a little vengeance now and then, too. Oh, well, let her try it her hard way… I'm thinking there's a lot of fun down the line.

She smiled and stood up, "Good luck with that. Ta-ta!" and vanished.

Anya stood up. She had to find a person willing to make a wish on Spike.



~*~*~*~*~




"Harmony!"

The blonde vampire looked up from her squirming prey. She frowned, recognizing her addresser.

"You!" She let go of her prey as she approached and the young man scrambled away not even pausing a second to look behind him.

"Ugggh! Look what you did!" she screeched. "I wanted to turn him… he looked like Orlando Bloom!"

Anya shrugged. "I think Johnny Depp is more attractive."

Harmony reverted into human features. "True… but I couldn't find anyone… Hey!" She glared. "Why are we having a conversation? You're dating Xander the dweeb!"

"Xander isn't…!" Anya started indignantly before she remembered why she was here in the first place. She huffed. "Well, you're one to talk… getting dumped by a chipped vampire!"

Harmony placed her hands on her hips. "I'll let you know… I broke up with him!"

"Really? Well the way I heard it, is that he left you because he wanted the slayer."

Harmony's eyes widened and she pouted. "Can you believe it? My little booboo was willing to kill his Drood-zilla over the skinny Buffy… I was there! Did he even think of staking me?! Noooo! It's all 'My dark princess this… My salvation that'. Weeping over his precious Dorkus."

Anya nodded faking sympathy. "And that hurt you… after all you did for him, didn't it?"

Harmony wiped a tear and sat on a wooden crate in the dark ally and nodded sniffling.

Anya took several steps closer. "You wanted him to suffer… you wanted him to know how it felt… how hard it was?"

Harmony nodded furiously. "Yeah! I wish he knew how hard it was to be a vampire and a woman! I mean my tan lines alone…" She stopped with a gasp.

In front of her Anya's visage changed into her demon look. Anyanka smiled evilly. "Done!"



~*~*~*~*~



"What the bloody hell?!!"

"Hello, Spike!"

Spike turned to glare Anya who materialized in his crypt with a grin on her now human face.

He pointed an accusing finger at her. "You did this to me, demon girl." He gestured to himself then looked venomously at her. "Turn me back, now! Or you'll see first hand how my chip doesn't work on you," he growled.

Anya blinked at Spike. "You can’t kill me… I didn't cast my vengeance on Xander yet!"

Spike was pulled short. "What does Harris have to do with it?"

Anya waved her hands explaining, "Well, I tried to get his friends to make a wish on him… but they take the 'friend' thing way too seriously! So I needed someone to make a wish… and you hate Xander… no annoying friend no wishes there… but there was the inconvenience of you being a man… so I had Harmony… who's still bitter over her booboo… what's with that nickname, anyway? And she wished you to be all female vampy… now I need you to wish something nasty on Xander… so you can't kill me!"

Spike blinked. "Harmony is the reason I'm a chick? And the reason Harmony wished me with a set of knockers is that you need me to make a wish on your ex?"

Anya nodded. "Yes. So can you make one please… a really creative one! I haven’t done one in ages!" She grinned happily.

Spike's eyes flashed gold. "Bloody hell! You are the worse nut case I've met and I knew many!! Fucking Harris should be a fucking bint not me!"

Anya paused in silence for a moment before shrugging. "Okay."

Spike opened his mouth to yell again but frowned. "Huh?"

Anya pouted. "It's not really creative since I did it like just now… but, hey, it is your wish."

Spike shook his head trying to shake away his building headache. "I didn't make a wish yet."

"Yes, you did!" She nodded with a wide smile. "You said that Xander should be a girl."

"Well, I didn't use the word ‘wish’!"

Anya waved her hand. "Merely a technicality. I'm lenient that way."

Spike gaped and looked down at himself. "Then where's my soddin' dick?"

The vengeance demon gasped, placing her hand on her chest. "I can't reverse Harmony's wish without her consent! I'll lose my powers!"

She sighed sadly and looked at Spike. "You make an attractive woman, Spike. I do regret not having sex with you when you had a penis… I hear vampire stamina is really good! Oh well…thanks… bye!"

She vanished.

"Bugger."



~*~*~*~*~



"Oh My God! What the hell happened to me!?"




~*~*~*~*~



Part Two:



"Oh My God! What the hell happened to me!?"

Buffy and Willow turned their eyes simultaneously from the T.V. screen to blink at each other. The same question went through their heads, who the hell was that?

They had decided to invite Xander for a 'comfort-movie-night', trying to make him feel better after Anya rejected his advances to become a couple again. Xander had excused himself to the kitchen saying that if the girls were going to subject him to a girly movie he was owed some popcorn. Buffy had waved him away, placing the chosen said 'girly' movie in the DVD.

Hearing the high-pitched scream, they jumped off the couch to the kitchen. Their eyes widened at the sight of a brunette woman standing with her back to them. The stranger slowly turned around, eyes wider than theirs seemingly shocked, holding her breasts and… shaking them. "What are these?" she snapped, distressed, looking directly from Buffy to Willow for an answer.

"Boobs?" Buffy answered unsure of the question as her eyebrows rose and her nose creased, confused.

Willow was looking intently at them, her head tilting slightly to the left as she tried to get a better look. Pretty boobs.

The brunette young woman wrapped her arms around her bosom protectively. "Stop ogling me, Willow!"

Willow looked at the strange woman, perplexed. "How did you know my name?"

"How did you get into Xander's pants?" Buffy asked, her finger pointed, directing their gaze to the jeans pooled at the woman's feet.

The brunette looked down. "Eek! I thought it was windy. At least my boxers stayed on."

Willow's eyes widened. "Xander?"

Buffy pouted. "You have prettier legs than me," she said sadly.

Willow looked down and nodded vigorously whilst Buffy glared at her for her eagerness at agreeing.

"Is this the problem here? Hello! I'm a woman for God's sake!" Xander yelled angrily, waving his hands, breaking the glaring match.

Buffy and Willow tore their eyes from Xander's legs and each other with quite an effort. They looked back at the female features of their used-to-be-male friend.

"Um … hi, remember me? In need of help here. And, well, staring at my face instead of each other or my legs isn't really helping!"

"Right," Buffy recovered first. "What did you do before you went all girlie-like?"

"Nothing, I was just about to pop me some popcorn." Xander indicated at the open microwave with the bag inside.

"I think this case needs a trip to the Magic Box," Willow said looking at Buffy seriously.

"Willow's right. Let's go," Xander exclaimed, already heading towards the kitchen door being the closest exit.

"Um … Xander? Not to sound all Cordy here but you can't go out wearing that," Willow said moving her hand up and down at his body.

Xander gave her a deadly stare and Willow actually flinched. "I'm not wearing women's clothes," his voice sounded with such rage that Willow hid behind Buffy. She couldn't protect herself with magic. Well, she could but she wouldn't. She went without unnecessary magic so far, so she hung in there. She had Buffy to protect her from over-hormonal female-phobic ex-guy-best-friend.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Xand, you look like a bimbo in her boyfriend's shirt after hot, sweaty sex." She blinked as a picture of her in Parker's room the morning after appeared in her head. She felt herself loosing confidence but brought on another picture: her smacking the lying boy with a wooden branch. Better. "You don't want people staring at you, do you?"

Xander thought about it then sighed, defeated. "Fine. But no skirts!" he stressed. "No dresses, no tops. I want large sized pants and a T-shirt." He nodded and placed his hands on his hips. Willow bit the inside of her cheek to stop from grinning. His uptight pose and speak reminded her of another brunette woman.

"Sorry, can't do." Buffy shrugged. "All I have is small… uh, too small for you."

"Uh, c'mon Buff!" Xander whined. "You've gotta have something not your size… something comfortable."

Buffy's face took a shocked and somewhat outraged look. Xander actually almost backed away. He would have if it weren't for him being afraid of getting tangled in his jeans and falling on his ass. He turned his pleading eyes towards Willow.

"What about you, Will? You were always a fan of comfort in high school… anything in a larger size?"

Willow shook her head helplessly. "Sorry. My new wardrobe is all womanly skirts and small sized jeans."

"Crap!" Xander cursed.

"C'mon, Xander. Gotta suck it up and wear women clothes." Buffy took Xander's hand and dragged him out of the kitchen. "Let's get you into something."

"You just wanna cover my pretty legs." The now brunette woman huffed indignantly while desperately holding on to the oversized jeans so they wouldn't fall.

Buffy scowled and pushed him up the stairs.

"What about the movie?!" Willow yelled at Buffy and Xander's retreating backs and looked back helplessly at the paused DVD. She sighed. Freddie would have to wait.


~*~*~*~*~



Part 3:



"Your idea sucks, Willow!" Xander called out irritably.

"Can I come in now?" Willow asked, bored. She had heard it all already.

"No, you can't!" Xander snapped at the closed door.

"Get over it, Xander," Buffy began while helping him in putting on a bra. "Willow is a girl. Girls tend to see each other naked."

"But she's gay! She's out of the rule book," he said, nodding his head to emphasize. "It says so in the rule book. I should know, I'm a girl," he muttered bitterly and winced as Buffy tightened on the bra clasp. "Ow! That hurt!"

"Sorry," Buffy murmured not sounding that sorry. "But your breasts are C cup. I'm trying to lift them up," she explained.

I never thought I'd ever live to hear that sentence directed at me. Xander groaned. Won't Dad be proud!

"God, this is the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me."

And we all know how full of humiliations my life is. Well, at least these boobs don't need that huge bra those stupid frats made me wear.

"It's on," Buffy finished with a grin. Xander turned to face her and she pointed her finger saying warningly, "Don't make any sudden moves."

Xander gave her a death glare.

"What? I had to say it." She shined him a sunny smile.

"Ha, ha, very funny. You know what? You're just jealous." Xander wrapped his arms around himself and raised his head up, annoyed.

Buffy huffed and went to open the door.

Xander's eyes widened in fright and turned to look at her as she walked away. "What are you doing?"

Buffy spoke slowly, "I'm going to open the door."

"Why?"

"So Willow can come in."

"Why?"

Buffy give him a look.

"She doesn't need to come in you know," Xander smiled sheepishly.

Buffy held her hand over her mouth in shock. "You're gonna stop a girl from joining a makeover party. How could you, Xander? She's your best friend." She hiccupped.

"I didn't mean … wait," he stopped short. "What do you mean makeover party?"

It was Buffy's turn to smile sheepishly. "Well, technically this is a 'try out'."

"There's gonna be more?!"

"Duh. Dawn will kill us if we do one without her." She shrugged.

“Whaaat?”

Buffy rolled her eyes and opened the door for Willow. Xander gasped and quickly gave the door his back. His arms tightened even more around himself.

Willow walked in and saw the half-naked brunette's back. She smirked jokingly. "Oh, Xander, you look hot." The husky sound of her voice made Buffy look at her confused. Willow only winked at her to play along.

Xander glared at the wall knowing that Willow was making fun of him. He was sure she heard his complaints through the door. He looked down at Tara's clothes, which Willow had suggested for him to wear. That had been her 'idea'. "These clothes suck."

"Hey!" Willow yelled angrily.

"Well, they don't match my taste!" He turned to look at her with a scowl on his feminine face.

"Like you have the greatest taste in clothes," Willow retorted. She had a sudden feel of guilt even though Xander didn’t look offended.

"Well," she said trying to even the playing field. "We all don't have the greatest taste in clothes."

"Hey, speak about yourselves!" Buffy exclaimed. She turned to close the door and mumbled, "Mean tasteless losers."

Xander and Willow exchanged a smile as memories of high school Buffy flashed in their heads.




~*~*~*~*~


Part 4:



Xander huffed, standing behind the counter. Hours ago, they found the Magic Box closed, which was a bit strange. Anya would never close the store this early. Buffy and Willow figured that she was still upset enough to not want any more money and followed that conclusion by staring at a pouting Xander.

The second they went in, using the extra key Giles had given Buffy when he returned to England, Buffy and Willow went in search of books about boys turning into girls. Hopefully, with the systematic instruction in how to reverse it. The girls were avidly looking while Xander was not. He was whining and pouting all the time about not wanting to be a girl. Thus, acting as Buffy pointed out then 'like such a girl'.

Xander had been left in front of the cash register in case someone came in. Anya would never forgive them if there were a lost money gaining opportunity. Buffy and Willow had searched through bookshelves in front, not finding anything they chose to head back where Giles had kept the more precious books.

Xander was frustrated. He leaned onto his elbows. His body didn't feel right and the bra Buffy used her slayer strength on was killing him. He glared down at his chest remembering how he tried to convince Buffy that he didn't need a bra. Buffy explained then that Xander's breasts were too big for him to leave them without support, claiming that they would hurt if left like that. With no previous female experience, Xander, pouting, relented.

Groaning with embarrassment, Xander let his head fall to hit the counter. Man, that hurt! He yelped … a female yelp to his shame.

He raised his head when he heard the bell to the shop door jingle. He watched transfixed as a gorgeous blonde-haired woman strode confidently towards him. Xander racked up and down her body noticing her long flowing blonde curls bounce over her perky chest.

The former boy distractedly made sure his mouth was closed and that no drool had escaped. There was no sense in scaring Anya's customer by his raging hormones.

Xander's eyes locked with the woman's sharp blue ones. He couldn't help but notice the long light-brown eyelashes. His eyes drifted down a sharp nose to gaze at the full pink lips - lips that were turned up in a familiar smirk that he could not place at that moment.

One of the blonde curls fell over a well defined eyebrow. It made Xander itch and his hand twitched over the counter wanting to put it back in place. The blonde brushed it back revealing a scar in her eyebrow.

Xander frowned for a few seconds before realization hit him. He looked down at her clothes and noted the infamous duster. He gazed up at her face, his eyes checking the high, now full cheekbones.

"Spike?" Xander gasped as he straightened.

"Always knew you were slow, Harris." Spike smirked while looking back at the boy-turned-girl with a defined pink mark on his wide forehead.

Heh. Xander as a brunette chick was… well, quite a looker. A real big difference from what he used to be. Spike gazed at the boy's lips. The bottom lip was fuller, although, Harris still had the same peculiar upper-lip that stuck out like a child's. It made the gaping fool look like an adorable witless little virgin.

Spike whistled. "Pretty little virgin."

Xander's eyes had remained wide unsure of what he was seeing. "Spike?!"

He was still in shock.

"Spike?!" came Buffy's voice from the back room. "What are you doing here?! Are you … whoa."

Both former males looked at Buffy, who stood by the door gaping at Spike. "Oh God, Spike, you're a girl!"

"How did you know it was him?!" Xander exclaimed.

"Well, any idiot would know that. The duster for one thing and the face, it's pretty much Spike but more feminine."

Xander pouted. "Well, it took you a long time to know me." He ignored the fact that it had taken him a while to figure out this fact himself. A while spent in thoughts that will forever be locked in the 'never be mentioned again' box in his head.

"Well … you're not exactly the same Xander. The eyes are probably the same, I guess. Or not.” She gave an unconcerned shrug. “But other things are still different."

"Other things? What do you mean by other things?" Xander squeaked, indignant at. He really didn't need to be criticized in front of hot chick Spike.

In the box… now!

"She means the breasts, mate."

Xander covered his breasts, cheeks flushed. "Well, you have breasts, too!" He looked at the tight red shirt which buttons could barely hold the boobs in.

What happened to the box?! Xander's mind whined when his eyes continued to gaze at the covered yet pronounced breasts.

It was Spike's turn to pout. "Not as big as those of yours."

Xander blushed even more. Did Spike actually complement him? Did he actually care?!

So need to buy a new box… this one is defective!

Willow came into the room. She was wondering what the raised voices were about. "Hey, guys what's up?" She stopped suddenly as she spotted the stunning blonde. Her heart sped up as she licked her suddenly dry lips.

What was happening to her? That young woman was absolutely not her type. She liked the cute type, not the sexy type. She liked cute Xander, cute Oz, cute Tara … she STILL liked cute Tara!

Willow nodded firmly to herself. She didn’t seem to be hearing Buffy who was looking at Spike’s breasts. “I think your breasts look fine. I mean they’re average, not too small or too big. Well, above average in these parts,” she said bitterly as she cast a look at Xander’s chest then back at Spike before casually pulling her shirt down a little.

Xander held his breasts tighter, mortified. He looked at the still silent Willow. “Willow, help me out here! What do you think of Spike’s boobs? They’re small, right?” he said wanting to rile the vampire and trying to convince himself that his fellow sex-changer wasn't attractive.

Spike raised a delicate eyebrow, and didn't fall for the bait, just glared at him.

Something caught Willow’s attention. Boobs? Her eyes drifted from the blonde’s dazzling face to her chest. She noticed how the red shirt could barely hold those gorgeous B-cubs in. "No,” she answered Xander’s question with a dreamy shake. “They’re just right."

Xander grunted. Man, why are all women against me today? Does it have to do with the leaving Anya at the alter thing? It’s not like I did it without a reason! But did they even ask about the reason?! No! He sighed. Yeah, just blame it on your friends, huh, Harris?

He looked at his friends, suddenly feeling more miserable. “Did you find something yet?” What a better way to change the subject from the breast competition.

Buffy shook her head. “Nothing, sorry,” she said sympathetically.

“Spike!”

Everyone looked at Willow who pointed at the vampire. “Spike’s duster! Spike!”

Buffy nodded, bored. “Yeah, we covered that already.”

“What turned you into a girl, Spike?” Willow asked. “Was it the same demon that turned Xander?”

Aggravated, Xander hit the table with his fists. “For the last time there was no demon!”

“There’s always a demon, Xander,” Buffy told the now brunette girl with assertion. She turned her slayer eyes to Spike. “Now tell what happened.”

“Well, it is a 'demon'. Anya happened,” Spike said.

“Anya is not a demon!” Xander yelled angrily, slamming his hands down once more. That seemed like such a manly act earlier so he did it again.

“Yeah, she is, mate. Got 'er old job back, demon perks and all."

Xander blinked, upset. "She did?" he sounded hurt. Was he the reason?

"I'm sorry, Xander," Willow said looking concerned at her unhappy friend.

"So, Anya is a vengeance demon now? And she wished for Xander to be a girl?" Buffy asked confused.

Why would Anya want to punish Xander by making him a girl? I've always thought she'd wish those icky things about pusses and penises. Well, glad it went this way. Ewww. But, what's Spike gotta do with this?

"It's your fault!" Spike yelled at Xander, cutting Buffy's thoughts off.

"Why is it always my fault?" Xander said defensively with a little hint of whine, knowing full well that it was indeed his fault.

"The demon chit is mad at you. And I got caught in the middle of the bloody crossfire!"

"Why were you in the middle exactly?" Buffy asked suspiciously.

Ignoring the accusatory tone, Spike told them what he knew from what Anya had said to him before disappearing and leaving him to find the shrunken clothes he had hidden so long ago.

"… Fucking Harm! And then … uh…she tricked me into wishing Harris a woman."

"You mean it wasn't Anya who did the wish?" Xander said, his face brightening with happiness. That was a plus.

Everyone gave him a look.

He blinked before realizing how stupid his words were. Trying to change the subject yet again, which he seemed to be doing a lot lately, he glowered at Spike. "You wished me into a girl?!!!"

"Well, technically I didn't use the word 'wish', and if I wanted to make a wish against you, I wouldn't want to turn you into a fine-looking girl, I'd have you turned into a an ugly cow."

"You would've made me a cow?!" Xander screeched while Spike cackled.

"Would you stop that?" Buffy yelled, irritated. "We have a major problem here and it's about you two! Can you focus and help out?"

Xander looked away ashamed of his behavior. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Buffy glared at Spike who shrugged silently. She sighed. "Okay, now we know that Anya … Anyanka had done 'this'." She pointed at the still glaring two. "Too bad she never told us how she was turned into a human in the first place. Have you got an idea, Will?" she said as she looked at Willow.

Willow hmm-ed. She was still busy ogling Spike. Even knowing that it was Spike she was drooling over didn't make a difference… or perhaps made it more exciting. She had always secretly wondered what it would be if a vampire…

"Willow!!" She snapped when Buffy clapped her hands in front of her face.

"Oh, oh right." She coughed trying to cover up her embarrassment. Xander glared at her feeling betrayed and a little jealous. Spike only smirked, noticing the young witch's interest as clearly as everyone else did.

What can a bloke… uh, chit say… I'm sexy as hell! No matter what skin I'm in. Spike mused smugly.

Willow bit her lip then sighed, defeated. "I've got nothing."

Buffy nodded. "Then we have no choice. Giles it is."


~*~*~*~*~



Part 5:



Dawn gazed at the strange brunette and strange blonde haired women with eyes filled with curiosity. She was still processing what Buffy had just informed her. These women were actually Xander and Spike!

She blinked once more and worked her jaw to make sure that she wasn't showing all her teeth for all to see. From the way the women looked, she could see it was not a late April Fools joke.

Only in Sunnydale!

Xander looked the same but more womanly and way shorter than he used to be. She grinned. She was taller than he was now. His eyes were the same big and round browns but more distinct on his female features. The lashes were the same length given that they were always like that even before this new interesting development. The eyebrows were smaller and were nicely shaped, not perfect but natural. The silky dark hair reached the tip of his shoulders. His body was lean, not too lean, yet full in the right places, it matched Xander's bountiful breasts well.

Dawn turned her attention to Spike. The blonde's eyes were perfect, they were sharp blue and rimmed with long light brown lashes.

Where they that long before?

She wanted to worship Spike's perfect nose. His lips were the same full lips he always had. Maybe the disgruntled pout puffed them even more. As a member of the female species, he had rounder cheeks yet still held cause for the envy of all cheekbones. Spike's hair was shiny full blonde locks that cascaded over his shoulders. It was longer than Xander's hair and the soft curls reached the middle of Spike's back. The leather duster completed the sexy form of Hot William the Bloody, as always.

The vampire was a bit shorter than he used to be, as a woman he was few inches taller than Xander. Dawn could clearly see why. Xander's little body fit his cute appearance, while Spike's hot looks required the taller form. Spike wasn't that tall anyway, having lost a few inches, he might be Dawn's height or a little bit taller. It was Xander who had seemingly shrunk.

After several blinks, Dawn opened her mouth, "Xander does have the bigger boobs." She nodded to the girls.

"Oh, c'mon!" Xander spat out indignant.

Dawn pulled back startled.

Spike shrugged. "I'm telling ya, mate, medium size perky breasts are 'totally in season'," he said the last word in a somewhat mocking Cordelia tone. "I mean you can't run with those things." He indicated with a jerk to Xander's left boob.

"Ow!" Xander and Spike yelled in pain.

Spike clutched his head, glaring at Xander. "Oi, watch where you point those things!"

Buffy crossed her arms. "Gross, Spike."

Spike raised eyebrow at her. "You're just jealous, pet. You're nowhere as hot and cute as me and Xandra here." He placed his hand on Xander's shoulder his tone clearly showed which one was the cute and which was the hot.

Xander was still rubbing his left boob with his right hand. He pushed Spike's arm off with his left and stepped away. And if he walked towards Buffy it was because that direction was the farthest away from the breast boxer, NOT to seek protection from the still smaller form of the slayer. He never had and never would do that!

"I still don't understand why I can't go to my place?" Xander huffed heatedly while trying to keep from snapping at his annoying thoughts and ignoring the very womanly huff-somewhat-whine that had so easily came out from between his lips.

Dawn blinked at the huffing. Wow, Xander does take this girly thing seriously. She grinned as she looked the two used-to-be-men over once more. The whole thing was extremely enjoyable for a girl her age.

"Because, one," Buffy began, "There is no way anyone I know is going out like that…" She pointed at his ill-fitting Tara clothes with distaste. "Second, there is no way to be sure that Anya won't be continuing her vengeful bender and you staying here makes it easier for me to do my protecty thing." She grinned. She knew she should've gotten an A in debate. She pouted. Stupid Mrs. Parkers. Knew I should've let Oz eat her.

Xander pulled away from Buffy sure that she was going insane especially with that wistful look and the tiny evil smile. He inched closer to Spike. He would take his chances with Slap Them Boobs. Wait, Buffy was saying that Anya could come back for more?

"What do you mean make more with the vengeance-ing on me?" he screeched. Spike pulled away rubbing his ear and nearly slammed into a grinning eye-fluttering Willow. Xander waved his hands at the living room as a whole, having noticed that as well.

"She turned me into a girl, Buffy! A girl!"

The yelling snapped Buffy out of her happy ‘werewolf releasing for teacher-control’ thoughts. She blinked at Xander.

"You think being a girl is bad enough to be payback for what you did to Anya? Enough to satisfy her 1000+ years of demon-y vengeful experience? You think what happened to you is that bad?"

"Duh!" Xander yelled. "There is nothing worse she can do to me now!"

"Xander!!!!" four yells caused the poor still-getting-used-to-a-shorter-body's-balance-recently-girl-ed-ex-boy to fall onto the couch. He sat up and looked at their faces before looking down ashamed.

"Sorry."

Spike nodded. "That's it. The boy- uh, chit is jinxed … no way I'm staying near 'im!" He headed towards the door.

"Hey, Spike, before you go what is the time?" Dawn called at his retreating back.

Spike turned around confused. "Well, Bit, it's way passed your bedtime if that's what you want to know. Little girls shouldn't be still up and about enough to see the sun… oh…" He huffed, turned around and planted himself next to Xander who was too depressed to notice much less care.

Xander was pouting which meant he wasn't convinced yet, but still too embarrassed about him inviting Hellmouth fate for dinner-on-him to make voice of his doubts.

Spike on the other hand just shrugged. "Alright then, where will I be sleeping?"

"My room." Everyone looked at Willow who hadn't spoke a word - if one overlooked the joint 'Xander' bellow - since they left the Magic Box and was busy trying to make sure that no one noticed her staring at Spike. She blushed as her absent mind caught the wide eyes of Buffy and with an added gape for Dawn, the shocked and hurt look from Xander and Spike's annoyingly satisfied amused smirk. She quickly worked her mind in an effort on mending the awkward situation.

"I … I meant both … um, Spike and Xander can sleep in my room," Willow stuttered.

"Yeah. Now that was WAY convincing," Dawn said with rolled eyes.


~*~*~*~*~



Part 6:



Spike glared at the fluffy pajamas Dawn had given him. Hell, there are bloody kittens all over them! He gazed at the sleeping bag placed on the floor next to the couch where Xander would be sleeping, then looked back again at the pajamas. I've always slept naked and I always will. They can buggerin' live with it, all I care... don't have nothin' they haven't all seen. With that thought, he threw the clothes to a corner and took off his duster.

Before he got the chance to take off his shirt, he heard a dreadful screech. "Spike!"

Bugger.

He turned around with a flinch but then an amused laugh escaped his lips.

There by the door stood Xander in fluffy pink pajama. Fluffier than his if that was even possible. It seemed that Buffy liked to wear larger sized pajamas. Considerably larger seeing as this one continued to fall off to the side revealing Xander's bare shoulder. He ignored the continuous tries to keep it in place, tries that were soon given up with a pout. The now-dark-haired girl looked ‘adorable’ despite the fury filled eyes in his big-sized-girly-pink-bunny-covered pajamas that Spike couldn't hold in his hoot at his companion's expense.

Red-faced Xander scoffed, "Yeah, laugh it off bleached gal. Now we'll see how ridiculous you'll look in Dawn's nighties." The brunette crossed his arms happy with himself and waited to see Spike's happiness deflate.

And why the hell is it me who's depressed while he can't seem to keep his upside down frown off his face? We're both missing VERY important appendages damn it!

Spike calmed down a few seconds later and shrugged nonchalant. "Not gonna happen, pet."

"What?"

"I'm not wearing no stupid pajamas, you twit. I'll sleep the way I always do."

"And that would be …" Xander shifted on his feet not liking where this was going.

"Yep, mate, stripped to the way nature sees it fit."

"Whoa, whoa, Spike!" Xander exclaimed nervously waving his arms around. His PJs slipped at the action and he pulled it back into place huffily. "You can't just sleep naked!"

"Yeah?" The vampire sniffed unconcerned. "Watch me," saying that Spike continued to unbutton his tight red shirt.

"No!" Xander yelled as he coved his eyes.

Even though he couldn't see him, Spike smirked at Xander who had taken no time to start acting like his skin showed him to be. "What's wrong, Xandra? I'm a female of interlocking parts with your species givin' you a free show. Are you telling me an all American hot blooded git like yourself wouldn't even take a gander at me one of a kind merchandise."

Xander thought it over. How couldn't he? He was a guy after all. Well he had been recently, for all of his life actually, save the last few hours. That meant that even though he was in a girl's body, he was still manly Xander looking for some girls to get it on with. Didn't explain how 'girly' he had been acting since his new development but he was a proud member of the Denial R Us special life time membership subscription and was never to enter a conversation with anyone, including his subconscious, about any allegedly girly acts… without a good come back, so there.

However, if Xander did look at Spike and liked what he saw – there was no chance he wouldn't… he liked what he saw covered! – and technically being in a woman's body and checking out another woman's body then liking what you see made you a lesbian.

Nevertheless, HE wasn't a lesbian! He liked girls while he wasn't a girl, so that had to make a difference, right? Would being a lesbian now make him gay when he returned to his manly body??? Wait. No. he would be dubbed gay now but would return to being straight once he reclaims his mighty penis once more. Right?

God, my head hurts.

"So, you're not opening your peepers?"

"Nope! No peepers peeping!" Xander was still unsure about his points regarding sexual orientation, they weren't very convincing. No wonder Mrs. Parkers almost flunked him. "My eyes will enjoy the blissful peace without your sight till you get under the covers."

"Poof, fine, I'm in the friggin bag."

"Ha, ha, you're lying. I'm on to you!"

"I'm serious, you dolt."

"As if. No one is that fast… sleeping bags aren't that easy to get in to… I should know." Lifetime membership for ALL areas of life had always come in handy. Now into the box!

"Vampire here, mate," Spike’s annoyed tones broke into Xander's dark thoughts.

"Oh, oka …. Wait! How can I make sure you're not lying to me? 'Vampire' and all."

"Whatever, mate, I'm going to sleep and you do what you like. Stand there with your eyes tightly shut all day for all I care… it's passed my bed time."

After a few minutes of silence, Xander reluctantly opened his eyes and saw Spike lying in the bag peacefully asleep. He hadn't zipped the bag to the top, which was understandable seeing that he was camping in the Summer's living room in Dawn's sleeping bag. The extra blankets covered the vampire's whole body, except for the striking features. And no one would notice that Spike was actually naked under them since they even covered his shoulders. Xander couldn't help but run his eyes over Spike's face for a moment. The blonde looked beautiful sleeping, like a perfectly made sculpture of sleeping beauty waiting for her prince to awaken her with a…

Stupid… faulty… box!

Sighing, Xander climbed onto the couch, slipped under the covers and laid on his stomach. His face scrunched. It didn't feel comfortable with the large breasts squished into the hard couch. Man, he couldn't even sleep in his best position. Why did he jump at the chance to sleep on the couch again? He knew that Spike was after something when he had given an uncaring shrug about their sleeping arrangement! Xander wiggled with his last attempt to get comfortable.

Groaning, he turned to his side and his sleepy eyes opened. He was about to wake Spike up and tell him to switch, when he caught the sight Spike's proud boobs. They had somehow escaped from the blanket that now fell over the tiny waist.

Those are some perky boobs, he observed in his sleep-deprived mind. Nice… boo…

"Enjoying the view, mate?"

His eyes slowly moved up, passed over a small smirk, and finally they were caught in the hold of a half-opened blue eye.

How can he raise an eyebrow while his eye is half closed?

Xander gasped with embarrassment but tried the international cover. "Aren't you asleep?"

"Not with your annoying heartbeats making their appreciation known. Now go to sleep, they'll be there tomorrow!"

The brunette blushed a deep red at the mention of 'they' and burrowed into his bed with no more thoughts of sleeping arrangements. Soon the tiredness took hold of him and he was fast asleep.



~*~*~*~*~


Here are the rest of the parts until part 9