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gen_storytellerTITLE: Spike in Wanderland - Book 2 Part 2: by myfeetshowit
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who Spike in Wanderland - Book 2-2: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Crossovers
to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
This is my very first fanfic, and I hope I've improved considerably since this was first posted. I think it's still worth a read if you like silly stuff.
Disclaimer:Joss and other people own Spike and all these other characters. Only Deathbreath is truly mine.
Spike was last seen in the company of the Incredible Hulk. Will Hulk smash Wolfram & Hart? You betcha!
For the beginning of this bizarre tale, please start with Book 1.
If you missed the first half of SPIKE...ON THE RUN, please check out
Part 1 .
If this story is making any sense to you at all, please check in with the nearest mind care specialist.
SPIKE...ON THE RUN Part 2
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
So, the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody, currently inhabited by the INDIVIDUAL(S) Ka-Lee the Hellgod is trying to get the INDIVIDUAL(S) Incredible Hulk on our case, huh? Man, I am jazzed about this. I'm just an incredible fan! I'd be tempted to try for an autograph but aside from the whole Hulk Smash thing he probably can't write his name anyway.
On the practical side, I think Deathbreath the Grimclaw can take the Hulk - or at least survive the pounding until the rest of us have a chance to go into hiding. Any takers? I'm thinking 4 to 1 odds.
Senior Partner - Julius Jr., Praetor Division
PS: Legal - this INDIVIDUAL(S) thing is getting to be a real drag. Could we change the terminology to GUY(S)? I mean these days 'guys' is practically a generic term - it could include the girls too, and it wouldn't be nearly such a pain to write!
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Legal & Trust, Aemilius VI, House of Aemilii
Subject: re: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as GUY(S)), in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart
currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
Alright, as you can see our legal experts feel that GUY(S) is acceptable terminology. But the Hulk VS Deathbreath thing - strictly out-of-bounds. The legal repercussions are endless. You'll have to run the betting out of the warehouse, as usual. Put me down for $50 on Deathbreath.
Senior Partner - Aemilius V., Legal Division
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Communications, Julius XXIII, House of Julii
Subject: re: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
You got me with that Zombee thing last year but you aren't getting me with this one! If we bet on the Hulk, but everyone is DEAD so no one can collect if he wins! Fool me once...
I still think it was a raw deal that the Legal department ruled that you can't collect on debts accrued during prior life when youve been brought back from the dead. Just saying!
What I was wondering is, isn't that Ka-lee fellow supposed to be like an all-powerful Hellgod? Why is running around looking for help instead of just stomping us all himself?
Oh! And as the Head of Communications I feel like I gotta point out that we gotta be more careful with our punctuation. A misplaced comma can change entire meanings! I'm pretty sure were not using commas right.
Senior Partner - Julius XXIII, Communications
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
"What I was wondering is, isn't that Ka-lee fellow supposed to be like an all-powerful Hellgod? Why is running around looking for help instead of just stomping us all himself?"
???!!!
Out of the mouth of boobs!
Why isn't he just coming after us himself? And the Maj-X-PIX of the GUY(S) Hulk, and William - is it daylight? I was assuming this was just a flaw in the image but maybe we better investigate further!
Senior Partner - Julius Jr., Praetor Division
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr, House of Julii
Subject: Grave Disappointment
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as whatever their names are) in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
Sirs!
I am vastly disappointed by this grave turn of events. And do I have to mention that when I say 'grave' it means there will be a few new ones appearing in the parking lot cemetery?
William the Bloody and his minion, the mindless HULK took out our entire New Jersey division. Mr. Bloody is supposed to be afraid and alone, on the run from US! WE are not supposed to be the ones under attack! We lost our East Coast Corporate headquarters, two divisional offices and a corner grocery store!
Note: Our condolences go out to the dozens of spouses and children who are left behind and who will now, doubtless, starve to death in the street.
For some strange reason Mr. Bloody turned against the Hulk when the behemoth began to pulverize civilian buildings. If not for this who knows how much damage our company would have sustained. The question is why Ka-Lee would have cared if civilian property or lives were destroyed. The second question is how could this attack have occurred in the early morning hours - well after sunrise!
As of this moment all other projects are to be put on hold and all resources are to focus on taking William the Bloody OUT! I don't want him dead. I want him destroyed! I want it to be as though William The Bloody never existed.
On another note, no more INDIVIDUAL(S), GUY(S), blah, blah garbage. I'll take personal responsibility for making it LEGAL!
Gentlebeings, don't disappoint me further. I have a new egg clutch on the verge of hatching. You can all be replaced!
THE SENIOR PARTNER
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Science Division-Metaphysics Lab, Cornelius Sr, House of Cornelii
Subject: On a lighter note
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
I have the answer to the daylight thing and probably the concern over the 'innocent'. You remember Sam Beckett, that affable young man who has screwed up so many of our most promising projects. You know, the one that leaps into bodies - and doesn't take advantage, the stupid berk - and makes 'right', the things that went 'wrong' la, la, la!
Anyway, you're going to get a kick out of this! My physics tell me that he leaped into the already possessed body of William the Bloody! Priceless! Evidently, while he inhabits Spike's body it isn't vulnerable to the sun, etc.
Who do you think ended up in the imaging chamber? Spike or Ka-Lee?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/ALSpike1.jpg
Ah, to have been a fly on the wall..
Senior Partner - Cornelius SR
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Treasury Department, Aemilius V, House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: Grave Disappointment
Julius Jr, Praetor Division wanted me to let you know that all bets on the Deathbreath/Hulk fight are off, since it never occurred. The monies have been given to the Treasury Department for disbursement. I'll let you know when they are available.
It is time to respond to THE Senior Partner's call by tightening our belts Gentlebeings. Funds are no longer being divided between other projects but those weren't being funded lately, anyway. The money must come from somewhere. All of you are out there somewhere - right?
Partners:
No more corporate lunches. In fact, no more lunches at all. If you have money or time for food you aren't pulling your weight at this company (Did you get the pun? Humor helps us during this time of turmoil and it is free).
Non-management minions:
All you new parents, listen up. We've instituted a new policy. In the past, it was necessary to sacrifice one of your offspring in order to get on the management track. This is no longer the case. Instead you can sell them and donate the money to the "KILL BILLY!" fund. Now is the time to act because there are sure to be vacancies in the corporate offices soon!
Remember, blood and flesh both bring premium prices on the black market. You can be sure that we haven't forgotten!
Senior Partner - Aemilius V
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr, House of Julii
Subject: What a great time to be unliving!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
Excitement! Excitement! The latest Maj-X-Pix sucks because of all the radiation, but hot-diggity! Where's the Hulk when you need him? I'd loved to see him duke it out with this guy!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/GodzillaSpike1.jpg
Senior Partner-Julius Jr
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Entertainment studio, Julius XXX, House of Julii
Subject: RE: What a great time to be unliving!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
Bah! That's not the real Godzilla, you know. I have it from good authority that he's this Godzilla impersonator that the studio hired because they felt the real Godzilla had a 'certain maturity' about him and they decided to go with someone else. The guy didn't even do a decent impersonation! Although I have heard he does a mean Elvis impression.
What's Spike want with Godzilla anyway?
Senior Partner-Julius XXX
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Science Division-Metaphysics Lab, Cornelius SR, House of Cornelii
Subject: This just in...
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
Take a look at this amazing event. Spike's found the REAL Godzilla and what a light show!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/GodzillaSpike2.jpg
Sorry the pic is so fuzzy - all that radiation. Turns out that Admiral Calavicci survived (darn!) and he and that computer - Icky? Giddy? Whatever! They figured out that Ka-Lee will be dispersed by Godzilla's radiation blast. The question of course is whether Spike can survive until Ka-Lee is gone.
Senior Partner - Cornelius SR
PS: THE Senior Partner asks that I remind you to review the entire list of Spike's recent contacts. If you have any information that could be used to turn these people to our advantage, go directly to THE Senior Partner.
The End of Book 2
Characters: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Multiple Crossovers
Summary: Post 'NFA' a dazed and confused Spike wanders through time and space meeting with the most interesting people--from Dr. Who Spike in Wanderland - Book 2-2: Spike, Wolfram & Hart, Crossovers
to Riddick. Meanwhile, an equally confused and dazed Wolfram & Hart attempts to repair the damage done to their business, and to get revenge on Spike.
Rating: PG13 for lots of mentions of blood, guts and violence, crude humor.
Category: Humor
Warnings/Notes: There are links to manips of Spike and the various cross-over characters. These are large and may take a while to download. They are fun to see, but not necessary to understand the story.
This is my very first fanfic, and I hope I've improved considerably since this was first posted. I think it's still worth a read if you like silly stuff.
Disclaimer:Joss and other people own Spike and all these other characters. Only Deathbreath is truly mine.
Spike was last seen in the company of the Incredible Hulk. Will Hulk smash Wolfram & Hart? You betcha!
For the beginning of this bizarre tale, please start with Book 1.
If you missed the first half of SPIKE...ON THE RUN, please check out
Part 1 .
If this story is making any sense to you at all, please check in with the nearest mind care specialist.
SPIKE...ON THE RUN Part 2
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
So, the INDIVIDUAL(S), William the Bloody, currently inhabited by the INDIVIDUAL(S) Ka-Lee the Hellgod is trying to get the INDIVIDUAL(S) Incredible Hulk on our case, huh? Man, I am jazzed about this. I'm just an incredible fan! I'd be tempted to try for an autograph but aside from the whole Hulk Smash thing he probably can't write his name anyway.
On the practical side, I think Deathbreath the Grimclaw can take the Hulk - or at least survive the pounding until the rest of us have a chance to go into hiding. Any takers? I'm thinking 4 to 1 odds.
Senior Partner - Julius Jr., Praetor Division
PS: Legal - this INDIVIDUAL(S) thing is getting to be a real drag. Could we change the terminology to GUY(S)? I mean these days 'guys' is practically a generic term - it could include the girls too, and it wouldn't be nearly such a pain to write!
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Legal & Trust, Aemilius VI, House of Aemilii
Subject: re: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as GUY(S)), in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart
currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
Alright, as you can see our legal experts feel that GUY(S) is acceptable terminology. But the Hulk VS Deathbreath thing - strictly out-of-bounds. The legal repercussions are endless. You'll have to run the betting out of the warehouse, as usual. Put me down for $50 on Deathbreath.
Senior Partner - Aemilius V., Legal Division
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Communications, Julius XXIII, House of Julii
Subject: re: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
You got me with that Zombee thing last year but you aren't getting me with this one! If we bet on the Hulk, but everyone is DEAD so no one can collect if he wins! Fool me once...
I still think it was a raw deal that the Legal department ruled that you can't collect on debts accrued during prior life when youve been brought back from the dead. Just saying!
What I was wondering is, isn't that Ka-lee fellow supposed to be like an all-powerful Hellgod? Why is running around looking for help instead of just stomping us all himself?
Oh! And as the Head of Communications I feel like I gotta point out that we gotta be more careful with our punctuation. A misplaced comma can change entire meanings! I'm pretty sure were not using commas right.
Senior Partner - Julius XXIII, Communications
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr., House of Julii
Subject: OBOY! I'm looking forward to this one!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/25/2004...
"What I was wondering is, isn't that Ka-lee fellow supposed to be like an all-powerful Hellgod? Why is running around looking for help instead of just stomping us all himself?"
???!!!
Out of the mouth of boobs!
Why isn't he just coming after us himself? And the Maj-X-PIX of the GUY(S) Hulk, and William - is it daylight? I was assuming this was just a flaw in the image but maybe we better investigate further!
Senior Partner - Julius Jr., Praetor Division
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr, House of Julii
Subject: Grave Disappointment
Legal Disclaimer (hereafter known as THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004): None of the individuals mentioned, or unmentioned (hereafter known as whatever their names are) in the current missive, past missives, future missives (hereafter known as MISSIVE(S)), in this dimension or any other dimension in which the Wolf, Ram and Hart currently, or have in the past or will in the future conduct business, are owned by anyone, past, present or future (hereafter known as THE AUTHOR), except by whomever or whoever they are legally owned by.
Sirs!
I am vastly disappointed by this grave turn of events. And do I have to mention that when I say 'grave' it means there will be a few new ones appearing in the parking lot cemetery?
William the Bloody and his minion, the mindless HULK took out our entire New Jersey division. Mr. Bloody is supposed to be afraid and alone, on the run from US! WE are not supposed to be the ones under attack! We lost our East Coast Corporate headquarters, two divisional offices and a corner grocery store!
Note: Our condolences go out to the dozens of spouses and children who are left behind and who will now, doubtless, starve to death in the street.
For some strange reason Mr. Bloody turned against the Hulk when the behemoth began to pulverize civilian buildings. If not for this who knows how much damage our company would have sustained. The question is why Ka-Lee would have cared if civilian property or lives were destroyed. The second question is how could this attack have occurred in the early morning hours - well after sunrise!
As of this moment all other projects are to be put on hold and all resources are to focus on taking William the Bloody OUT! I don't want him dead. I want him destroyed! I want it to be as though William The Bloody never existed.
On another note, no more INDIVIDUAL(S), GUY(S), blah, blah garbage. I'll take personal responsibility for making it LEGAL!
Gentlebeings, don't disappoint me further. I have a new egg clutch on the verge of hatching. You can all be replaced!
THE SENIOR PARTNER
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Science Division-Metaphysics Lab, Cornelius Sr, House of Cornelii
Subject: On a lighter note
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
I have the answer to the daylight thing and probably the concern over the 'innocent'. You remember Sam Beckett, that affable young man who has screwed up so many of our most promising projects. You know, the one that leaps into bodies - and doesn't take advantage, the stupid berk - and makes 'right', the things that went 'wrong' la, la, la!
Anyway, you're going to get a kick out of this! My physics tell me that he leaped into the already possessed body of William the Bloody! Priceless! Evidently, while he inhabits Spike's body it isn't vulnerable to the sun, etc.
Who do you think ended up in the imaging chamber? Spike or Ka-Lee?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/ALSpike1.jpg
Ah, to have been a fly on the wall..
Senior Partner - Cornelius SR
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Treasury Department, Aemilius V, House of Aemilii
Subject: Re: Grave Disappointment
Julius Jr, Praetor Division wanted me to let you know that all bets on the Deathbreath/Hulk fight are off, since it never occurred. The monies have been given to the Treasury Department for disbursement. I'll let you know when they are available.
It is time to respond to THE Senior Partner's call by tightening our belts Gentlebeings. Funds are no longer being divided between other projects but those weren't being funded lately, anyway. The money must come from somewhere. All of you are out there somewhere - right?
Partners:
No more corporate lunches. In fact, no more lunches at all. If you have money or time for food you aren't pulling your weight at this company (Did you get the pun? Humor helps us during this time of turmoil and it is free).
Non-management minions:
All you new parents, listen up. We've instituted a new policy. In the past, it was necessary to sacrifice one of your offspring in order to get on the management track. This is no longer the case. Instead you can sell them and donate the money to the "KILL BILLY!" fund. Now is the time to act because there are sure to be vacancies in the corporate offices soon!
Remember, blood and flesh both bring premium prices on the black market. You can be sure that we haven't forgotten!
Senior Partner - Aemilius V
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Praetor Division, Julius Jr, House of Julii
Subject: What a great time to be unliving!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
Excitement! Excitement! The latest Maj-X-Pix sucks because of all the radiation, but hot-diggity! Where's the Hulk when you need him? I'd loved to see him duke it out with this guy!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/GodzillaSpike1.jpg
Senior Partner-Julius Jr
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Entertainment studio, Julius XXX, House of Julii
Subject: RE: What a great time to be unliving!
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
Bah! That's not the real Godzilla, you know. I have it from good authority that he's this Godzilla impersonator that the studio hired because they felt the real Godzilla had a 'certain maturity' about him and they decided to go with someone else. The guy didn't even do a decent impersonation! Although I have heard he does a mean Elvis impression.
What's Spike want with Godzilla anyway?
Senior Partner-Julius XXX
**********
To: SR_PARTNERS_ALL
From: Senior Partner-Science Division-Metaphysics Lab, Cornelius SR, House of Cornelii
Subject: This just in...
THE DISCLAIMER 07/30/2004...
Take a look at this amazing event. Spike's found the REAL Godzilla and what a light show!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v358/molossus/GodzillaSpike2.jpg
Sorry the pic is so fuzzy - all that radiation. Turns out that Admiral Calavicci survived (darn!) and he and that computer - Icky? Giddy? Whatever! They figured out that Ka-Lee will be dispersed by Godzilla's radiation blast. The question of course is whether Spike can survive until Ka-Lee is gone.
Senior Partner - Cornelius SR
PS: THE Senior Partner asks that I remind you to review the entire list of Spike's recent contacts. If you have any information that could be used to turn these people to our advantage, go directly to THE Senior Partner.
The End of Book 2
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 04:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-02-02 04:49 am (UTC)I'm glad you're having fun. It's wonderful when others appreciate your strange sense of humor.